April 4th, 2020
It has been three weeks of quarantine now, and it’s definitely effecting me. Amazing to think the whole world is going through this emotional experience at the same time. Today marks 9 months of Allexanne passing. It’s still super bizarre, kind of hard to believe. Weird to think she’s not experiencing this pandemic, and where is she. What is she experiencing…. The afterlife always makes me think.
During my morning journal I was playing music, and a song came on and instantly I remembered walking up from Bondi beach, the route I took home, the coffee shop I would pass every day, the court I played soccer on with random strangers. It’s also so weird to think that that is only a memory, and I will never experience that again, at least not that specific route to get home to Linda. It’s hard to believe I have already been home for just over a year now… Man it all happens so fast. I remember I was saying I wanted to go live in Aus for 4 years before it finally happened, now it has come and gone…
Everything is temporary. That is a fact. The good and the bad. I think maybe that’s why Aus popped into my mind this morning, because I have been feeling a little down lately. 1. Because this whole pandemic. 2. Allexanne. 3. Other reasons… I am just lacking motivation to do anything, and I have been sleeping insane amounts which also affects me. I know clearly I have been sleep deprived for a long time, but it’s hard to me to accept sleeping in. Anyways, I was thinking about the good, the amazing trip I had to Australia and now it’s over, and that’s ok.
In January it was a really tough month, and I guess July as well - when I found out about al, and in January when we went through her and Samras stuff to clear it out of storage was even more bizarre because I came to the realization that nothing really matters. All your school notes, furniture, everything about you is just thrown out or given to goodwill, that was hard to wrap my mind around. I was at a point where I was crying everyday and life just sucked. Then a few weeks ago I realized I was out of it… that it had passed! It made me feel so much better because I could remind myself that you can get through it, you just have to wait it out.
So I guess the purpose of all of this is to remind you all that we will get through this bizarre experience. We just have to wait it out. But it too shall pass. And actually learn to enjoy it in any way that you can, because it will pass, and you just might miss it. It’s been hard for me to accept myself sleeping so much, but I know when I get back the the 5/6 hours of sleep, I am probably going to miss this time and the ability to sleep so much.
A few tips for the time being:
Read
Write
Journal (self-reflect) take the time to reflect on where you are, where you want to be, potential goals for the next few years
Meditate
Draw
Play an instrument if you have one
Paint
Practice a monologue
Organize your life. (clean your room, organize receipts, de-clutter your house)
Fashion design - play around with old clothes
Learn to cook! / Bake
Let me know if you have any other ideas!
So trust the process, God is looking out for us. Learn to say thank you even when you don’t understand what you’re saying thank you for.
Happy Days,
xo
Sky