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Grief, and what It's Taught Me

Nov 7. 2020

Dear Allexanne, Part 2.

As I’m reading the book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey, I am going through an exercise as if I was at my own funeral, and what I would want my loved ones to say about me.

They are only words about a character, and nothing about what I have accumulated. Which I have always known it’s not about what I have but what I am. This makes me think of you Al, because now I can really visualize what it would be like to be at the funeral of a loved one. And it is nothing about what you did but who you are, your laugh, your smile, your positive energy.

I thought I would mention about all the things you’ve taught me in the year and a half that you’ve been gone. As tears stream down my face, as they do at least once a week which is something I don’t speak about. I don’t cry much but at least once or twice a week a rush of emotions flow through me. I feel sadness that you’re gone so soon, but it is a constant reminder to live my absolute best life, everyday of my life, as it only takes a moment for it all to go away.

I feel confident in my power to control my emotions, but it has been very humbling, to know I can’t control as much as I thought. When you were in the hospital and Taish and I came to LA, I truly believed that if we held your hand, and gave you love you would wake up. I truly believed I had the power to do that.